It’s past the hour of midnight and my mind is sailing on a million different seas. There might be some meaning to this, to the rant, to the feeling, to any of it, but I just can’t figure it out. There are so many things I want to say, I want to do, all to you. But the bottle only lasts so long, the anchor in my chest finds its stop and it pulls me back. The reflexes are far to quick to let me slip. I would never do something that I wanted so badly, because even when my mind is working at half speed using memories as fuel, there are stops I just can’t cross, I am one of those people, I destroy everything I love. I ruin everything I touch. I am self-destructive.
I really really badly want to get a tattoo. I want the colour to mark my skin, and I want to feel the bump of the fresh ink on my body. I have ever since I can remember, wanted to get a tattoo, but I’ve always had a major, like serious problem with decision anxiety. However I am fairly a 100 % sure of what I want to get, and have been for about 3 years now, but I’ve gained a lot of weight these past months and if I get a tattoo on my upper arm, there is a chance that it will deform if I ever start to get in shape again. This is pretty much only problem and the only thing that is stopping me and has always been stopping me.
It’s been months since I last took my time and wrote something down, but here it is, the end of my high school and school years, for now. I don’t think I have ever been lying to myself more than I have been these last weeks. I told myself and others that I was stocked for graduation that this day would compensate for everything during this year and especially for prom. Although the only things I have been feeling on and off during this portion of my life is pretty much stress, anxiety and a shitload of regret. Don’t get me wrong there have been a bunch of moments worth every inch of my smile, but these were the feelings I was left with at the end.
To sum up my last day as a senior in high school, that day being Friday the 13th, did bring a lot of bad luck, but I was not striped completely from my last day of high school fun. However the day did begin with me being an hour late to our champagne breakfast, but hey gotta end the year as I started it right. From there on the day just went up and down like a roller coaster. I managed to crack the whole backside of my iPhone, and that was when I went to give it to my brother, to prevent me from dropping it when we ran out on the podium, good job there. To top that of, I ended up in a minor car accident, no one got hurt, just a small collision.
The best part of this day, without a doubt, was riding around the city in the platform body of the truck, or whatever it’s called. Even though it only lasted for half an hour it was by far the highlight of the day, and as I’ve heard from a lot of my other friends, they agree with me as well.
The reception at home went on for a far bit longer than I would have wanted it to, however it was nice to see all my relatives there, although it did make me pretty late for the pre-party, even though it was just a drop-in thing. I arrived half an hour before they were heading downtown, but luckily some of us stayed behind and went there and hour or so later. I reckon we were there around 12 pm or somewhere around that time. I was only with my friends for about half an hour with kind of sucked, but I had a blast with some of my classmates. This would be the really short summarized version of my graduation, but here it all is in a nutshell.
I’ve been postponing this for a while, but I have finally gotten around to cleaning/sorting out my computer therefore – PICTURE BOMB! Now it’s been quite a while since these pictures were taken, and most of them are from different occasions.
First off, my 18th birthday, it is a shame to say, but quite frankly I can’t remember the details of it. Although I know we had a blast, first dinner and pre party at my house, with my lovely friends. Later on we headed out downtown and ended the night back at my house.
Also to mention that this was about a week or two after my actual birthday. My friends did however come over to my house and celebrated it with me and the rest of my family and relatives. It was quite the normal family gathering, mother wanting to take a bunch of pictures, and always that aunt that just keeps talking .. but hey I love ‘em all.
The others include my friend’s 18th birthday, 100 days before graduation and probably some other occasions. The 100 days before graduation party was well needed, although going to school the day after was not that needed. Considering the fact that less than a third of my class actually showed up, including myself.
Sometime around this time, some of my friends and myself went to the capital for a weekend. However there will be a separate post about that. So bye for now!
I am currently at the tip of loosing my mind. I have postponed so many things, and it’s all finally catching up to me. Besides all the things I have yet to do, there are just more and more things flowing in that have required deadlines. At this point I just want to throw it all in a corner and go to sleep for a few weeks. Then again that is probably why I am in this mess in the first place.
As the usual quote goes: Stressed, depressed and not even well dressed.
Easter break has finally arrived and what better way to initiate that than a girls night out. The pre party was at a friends house, where we all got ready and well pre partied. Since some of us were already done and ready to go, we killed some time by taking a lot of photos, hence the title. Later on, we headed downtown to the clubs and bars. I have to say it was a well needed and deserved girls night out.
I’ve started making a list of 101 things to do before 1001 days, and one of the things on my list was; No TV (TV shows or movies) and no tumblr for a month. These are my escape mechanisms, and my major source of procrastination. Therefore I saw it fit, that I’d remove them for a month and see what I could accomplish or how insane it would drive me.
I started on April 1st and have now been without them for three days. Which for me is rather strange but at the same time not noticeable, because I have so much going on in school that I cannot do anything but sleep and study once I get home. I have found myself typing in “t” in the search bar and going to the log in page by sheer reflex, which is bad. Although I did log on once just for a second to see if I had received an inbox from someone about a dress, which I hadn’t. And I am quite convinced that I won’t, so there won’t be a need to do that again.
I am excited to see how my view on this challenge will be during my break and even once it’s done. Whether I regret it or if I finally stop using tumblr so frequently, and also if I’ll manage to stop watching a massive amount of TV shows.
And I might even have time to upload the pictures from January – February, and maybe even write a little something about how my 18th birthday went.