Black tie

Stressed, depressed but well dressed. Wednesday, 4 days before the maths exam. Maybe I should have seen this coming or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. But we bought tickets for a student event knowing it would be just days before the exam. I know myself, and I always cram for an exam days before, but maybe I was just hoping I could get rid of old habits. As always it didn’t work, and studying in the last minute didn’t work so well this time either, mostly because of the hangover, tiredness and womanly pains. But I still don’t regret going out Wednesday night.

Getting out of bed during the afternoon on Wednesday was not part of the plan, but nor was feeling sick during the whole morning. I got dressed and done up and when I finally finished I realized I wouldn’t even have time to go to the pre-party. So I whipped up a vodka smoothie and caught up with my friends right before we entered the dinning hall. When I met them I could instantly tell they were all buzzed, which was hilarious. Photos were taken, champagne was opened, and the room felt floaty – but that might have been more on the alcohols part. There was one person and once I saw his face I lit up, and I just knew I would not regret going out – because every minute up until we arrived I was filled with regret, and anxiety on top of that. We were seated and the appetizers were brought out, and the rest of the evening went by rather quickly at the dinning hall – accompanied with a lot of wine. We later went to someones flat to pre-party before going to the student club. When we left that place I was 100 %  sure that I was drunk. Because I tried to ride a bike and fell over, leaving scars and all as proof. The night went on from there, and ended sometime after 2 am, not with the same people as it started with however. One thing I’ve learn over time, is that I won’t remember a face unless I’ve seen it before I’ve gotten drunk. Which has been unfortunate at a lot of times. The person’s face is just a blur in my memory, but surprisingly other details I do seem to remember, no matter how stupid they are. It’s just the face, the only identification. I seem to be having facial blindness when I’m drunk, or prosopagnosia as the medical term goes..


And as usual I have my eyes closed when the pictures are being taken..



Tell me when it kicks in..

Teddy Eddy Ed Sheeran, what a magical man. To have witnessed his performance in real life is a dream come true. Not only did it exceed my expectations, it was utterly and absolutely genius. His songs, his voice and the sheer talent he possesses, it was all there and it was all real. I never thought I would be one of those people, shedding tears at a concert, but the raw emotions and power that just coursed through the arena was breathtaking. I could have been there for hours upon hours just listening to him.

He most definitely was the highlight of the day, but he was not the only mountain stop. It is insane how much you can accomplish during one single day. After our arrival in the capital at around 11 am that day, everything just kept rolling on. We went shopping for a bit, cause you know – capital equals shopping. While out and about the city we meet up with an old friend who recently moved there for studies. Then we got ready for the concert and headed to The Globe (globen) – as they call it. After a 2 hour magnificent show, we were starving, so we had to find a place to eat. Except it was 11 pm on a Wednesday, and most of the restaurants were closed. So we decided to go to a bar, and hopefully be able to eat there. But just as everywhere else, the kitchen was closed, and they only served side dishes. So contented with some nachos and pork – which were amazing – we managed to get a bit of food in our system, but the next thing you know, where doing tequila shots at Cafe Opera. Form there on the night went from club to club, and I have honestly never had as good of a trip  as I had there with my two closest friends. (And I am not talking about a fix, but a weekend or “holiday”).

Walking around in a city that is still alive and going during the hours before dawn is an absolutely beautiful feeling. Even with the aching feet, from the heels that can’t even support you, and still after dropping your contacts on the pavement. There is just this longing the city brings, the longing inside you for adventure. Especially when the clock hits the 4 am mark and you have nothing on your mind but the coming hour of whatever you please. There was one moment at 5 am when the alarm on my phone went off – it was meant for the day before. However the concept of time seemed rather irrelevant, there was no need to check for the time, because there was no hurry, we had no set time to be back. We took the steps as they came, and wherever the place took us, we went. Even if that meant that our last stop was at a burger shack, with strangers only met a minute before. Although wherever that final stop had been, as long as it was spent with good company, I’d be content.

The night however ended with a cold bed, loose held walls, and alcohol still  drenching my blood.



In need of a vacation

I have been in university for about two months now, and during this period I’ve written essays, research papers, had exams and a bunch of tests, with a lot more to come. Quite frankly I feel absolutely exhausted. I’ve been on the verge of having multiple panic attacks during this week alone. I’ve hardly had time to relax or exercise, and I’ve hardly seen my friends, but that’s not just on me – we all have busy schedules, so it’s understandable. I’ve finished one course so far. I did not expect everything to go this fast, especially coming directly from high school. One course would go on for a whole term, we would have at least 3 weeks preparation for an exam, and 4 weeks for an essay. Now the longest period between anything is a week. Even thought everything just feels so wrong there is something that feels absolutely right, and I am going with that. I reckon in a few months this life will have become a routine, and prioritizing sleep will be a thing, hopefully. However a vacation would suit well right about now. That’s the end of my complaining streak. It’s necessary to get the frustration out once in a while, and this time it’s in form of written letters.


Bottoms up

It’s past the hour of midnight and my mind is sailing on a million different seas. There might be some meaning to this, to the rant, to the feeling, to any of it, but I just can’t figure it out. There are so many things I want to say, I want to do, all to you. But the bottle only lasts so long, the anchor in my chest finds its stop and it pulls me back. The reflexes are far to quick to let me slip. I would never do something that I wanted so badly, because even when my mind is working at half speed using memories as fuel, there are stops I just can’t cross, I am one of those people, I destroy everything I love. I ruin everything I touch. I am self-destructive.

Mark my skin

I really really badly want to get a tattoo. I want the colour to mark my skin, and I want to feel the bump of the fresh ink on my body. I have ever since I can remember, wanted to get a tattoo, but I’ve always had a major, like serious problem with decision anxiety. However I am fairly a 100 % sure of what I want to get, and have been for about 3 years now, but I’ve gained a lot of weight these past months and if I get a tattoo on my upper arm, there is a chance that it will deform if I ever start to get in shape again. This is pretty much only problem and the only thing that is stopping me and has always been stopping me.ddce papersflygplan

Queen tonight, unemployed tomorrow.

It’s been months since I last took my time and wrote something down, but here it is, the end of my high school and school years, for now. I don’t think I have ever been lying to myself more than I have been these last weeks. I told myself and others that I was stocked for graduation that this day would compensate for everything during this year and especially for prom. Although the only things I have been feeling on and off during this portion of my life is pretty much stress, anxiety and a shitload of regret. Don’t get me wrong there have been a bunch of moments worth every inch of my smile, but these were the feelings I was left with at the end.

To sum up my last day as a senior in high school, that day being Friday the 13th, did bring a lot of bad luck, but I was not striped completely from my last day of high school fun. However the day did begin with me being an hour late to our champagne breakfast, but hey gotta end the year as I started it right. From there on the day just went up and down like a roller coaster. I managed to crack the whole backside of my iPhone, and that was when I went to give it to my brother, to prevent me from dropping it when we ran out on the podium, good job there. To top that of, I ended up in a minor car accident, no one got hurt, just a small collision. IMG_9670

The best part of this day, without a doubt, was riding around the city in the platform body of the truck, or whatever it’s called. Even though it only lasted for half an hour it was by far the highlight of the day, and as I’ve heard from a lot of my other friends, they agree with me as well.

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The reception at home went on for a far bit longer than I would have wanted it to, however it was nice to see all my relatives there, although it did make me pretty late for the pre-party, even though it was just a drop-in thing. I arrived half an hour before they were heading downtown, but luckily some of us stayed behind and went there and hour or so later. I reckon we were there around 12 pm or somewhere around that time. I was only with my friends for about half an hour with kind of sucked, but I had a blast with some of my classmates. This would be the really short summarized version of my graduation, but here it all is in a nutshell.




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