College life so far

I have thus far completed my first year at university. The year has been filled with late night study sessions, midnight visits to school and a lot of nights out with my classmates. It has been an adventure I never  thought a school could give me. My group of friends from school and I have been to our fair share of sittings, and above all, the most fun is the dressing up. We have been cowboys, gangsters, colorful carnival people and even had elegant black tie events. Two things I believe college students know how to do best, is party and pass a two month course in less than a week.

Above stress, bliss has been the mental state of too many nights. The normalization of drinking on regular weekdays, or coming hungover to school, or even starting school in the middle of the afternoon, things that is normally frowned upon. College gives you those few years to try what you want, does it work, does this feel right, is this really me. You get a feel of not only what you want to do but of who you want to be, but the person you are in college, is not the person you will be for the rest of your life. This person only reflects the things that the person you become dared to try before settling for what you think you are.  

A new semester is about to start, and it is our turn to guide the newcomers. Even though they will all be older or the exact same age as me, but most likely a lot older. This first year was just getting our feet wet, I am looking forward to what more I am willing to let myself do. From being a very restricted person I more than hope that I will dare myself to do whatever it takes to find the person I am going to be.


College is

In and out of the capital

It’s summer break and for a long time my friends and I have been planning trips here and there, but never had time to go through with them. So the other week we checked our schedules and booked it, Saturday to Sunday in Stockholm, and just like our last adventure that took place in the capital, this was not short on excitement.

The bus ride took what felt like forever, but in good company, we finally arrived after four and a half hours, around lunch time. After going back and forth around the city, we finally decided on a place to have lunch, which ended up to be Pizza Hut, and I must say that I was not impressed at all.

It took us a bit longer to find the hotel than we had expected, leading to us being late and missing our check in time, but all was well once we finally got through to the customer service. Since our hotel was located a bit outside of the central city, we didn’t see any point in traveling back into the city during the afternoon, instead we spent that time in a shopping mall around the area. I myself found a few clothing items and an outfit for the night, we also stored up on the hangover snacks that we knew from experience would be needed. We later got ready, playing music, dancing and drinking. As a pre-party in a hotel room would be. 

Our first stop was to dinner, a bar and tapas place, which had an amazing energy to it, the vibe was in my senses grunge/hipsterish, in a good way though, on top of that the place was filled with gorgeous people. After a few hours of chatting with unwanted company and drinking pissy beer, we headed towards our next stop. Not to deny anything, being under 23 in the capital, we did not have a successful attempt at getting in at the first place we went to. However the next hours to come were spent going from pub to club and so on, until we found one (Musikaliska) we liked and stayed until closing. I wasn’t sure whether or not the music was actually good or if we were just enjoying dancing for the hell of it. Frequently visiting the bar, tequila after tequila went down with displeasure in hope to feel something, but the liquid tasted horrible and had the effect of plain water.

A lot of events took place that night, and after a few hours of back and forth we ended up at a rave in the middle of nowhere in the woods. Now I would be all up for trying a rave, but my friends and I were not dressed for the occasion, we looked like 3 lost city girl. So at 5 in the morning we were walking around in the woods with high heels and bare legs, surrounded by strange people. Getting there was probably the most excruciating part of the whole night, we had to walk about 2 km in high heels, with not only feet but legs that ached. However the night ended like all our trips to the main city, at a burger shack 15 minutes before closing, and luckily we got our order and headed back to the hotel where we ate our food and not long after that crashed into a long awaited slumber.

Black tie

Stressed, depressed but well dressed. Wednesday, 4 days before the maths exam. Maybe I should have seen this coming or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. But we bought tickets for a student event knowing it would be just days before the exam. I know myself, and I always cram for an exam days before, but maybe I was just hoping I could get rid of old habits. As always it didn’t work, and studying in the last minute didn’t work so well this time either, mostly because of the hangover, tiredness and womanly pains. But I still don’t regret going out Wednesday night.

Getting out of bed during the afternoon on Wednesday was not part of the plan, but nor was feeling sick during the whole morning. I got dressed and done up and when I finally finished I realized I wouldn’t even have time to go to the pre-party. So I whipped up a vodka smoothie and caught up with my friends right before we entered the dinning hall. When I met them I could instantly tell they were all buzzed, which was hilarious. Photos were taken, champagne was opened, and the room felt floaty – but that might have been more on the alcohols part. There was one person and once I saw his face I lit up, and I just knew I would not regret going out – because every minute up until we arrived I was filled with regret, and anxiety on top of that. We were seated and the appetizers were brought out, and the rest of the evening went by rather quickly at the dinning hall – accompanied with a lot of wine. We later went to someones flat to pre-party before going to the student club. When we left that place I was 100 %  sure that I was drunk. Because I tried to ride a bike and fell over, leaving scars and all as proof. The night went on from there, and ended sometime after 2 am, not with the same people as it started with however. One thing I’ve learn over time, is that I won’t remember a face unless I’ve seen it before I’ve gotten drunk. Which has been unfortunate at a lot of times. The person’s face is just a blur in my memory, but surprisingly other details I do seem to remember, no matter how stupid they are. It’s just the face, the only identification. I seem to be having facial blindness when I’m drunk, or prosopagnosia as the medical term goes..


And as usual I have my eyes closed when the pictures are being taken..



Tell me when it kicks in..

Teddy Eddy Ed Sheeran, what a magical man. To have witnessed his performance in real life is a dream come true. Not only did it exceed my expectations, it was utterly and absolutely genius. His songs, his voice and the sheer talent he possesses, it was all there and it was all real. I never thought I would be one of those people, shedding tears at a concert, but the raw emotions and power that just coursed through the arena was breathtaking. I could have been there for hours upon hours just listening to him.

He most definitely was the highlight of the day, but he was not the only mountain stop. It is insane how much you can accomplish during one single day. After our arrival in the capital at around 11 am that day, everything just kept rolling on. We went shopping for a bit, cause you know – capital equals shopping. While out and about the city we meet up with an old friend who recently moved there for studies. Then we got ready for the concert and headed to The Globe (globen) – as they call it. After a 2 hour magnificent show, we were starving, so we had to find a place to eat. Except it was 11 pm on a Wednesday, and most of the restaurants were closed. So we decided to go to a bar, and hopefully be able to eat there. But just as everywhere else, the kitchen was closed, and they only served side dishes. So contented with some nachos and pork – which were amazing – we managed to get a bit of food in our system, but the next thing you know, where doing tequila shots at Cafe Opera. Form there on the night went from club to club, and I have honestly never had as good of a trip  as I had there with my two closest friends. (And I am not talking about a fix, but a weekend or “holiday”).

Walking around in a city that is still alive and going during the hours before dawn is an absolutely beautiful feeling. Even with the aching feet, from the heels that can’t even support you, and still after dropping your contacts on the pavement. There is just this longing the city brings, the longing inside you for adventure. Especially when the clock hits the 4 am mark and you have nothing on your mind but the coming hour of whatever you please. There was one moment at 5 am when the alarm on my phone went off – it was meant for the day before. However the concept of time seemed rather irrelevant, there was no need to check for the time, because there was no hurry, we had no set time to be back. We took the steps as they came, and wherever the place took us, we went. Even if that meant that our last stop was at a burger shack, with strangers only met a minute before. Although wherever that final stop had been, as long as it was spent with good company, I’d be content.

The night however ended with a cold bed, loose held walls, and alcohol still  drenching my blood.



Mark my skin

I really really badly want to get a tattoo. I want the colour to mark my skin, and I want to feel the bump of the fresh ink on my body. I have ever since I can remember, wanted to get a tattoo, but I’ve always had a major, like serious problem with decision anxiety. However I am fairly a 100 % sure of what I want to get, and have been for about 3 years now, but I’ve gained a lot of weight these past months and if I get a tattoo on my upper arm, there is a chance that it will deform if I ever start to get in shape again. This is pretty much only problem and the only thing that is stopping me and has always been stopping me.ddce papersflygplan

Queen tonight, unemployed tomorrow.

It’s been months since I last took my time and wrote something down, but here it is, the end of my high school and school years, for now. I don’t think I have ever been lying to myself more than I have been these last weeks. I told myself and others that I was stocked for graduation that this day would compensate for everything during this year and especially for prom. Although the only things I have been feeling on and off during this portion of my life is pretty much stress, anxiety and a shitload of regret. Don’t get me wrong there have been a bunch of moments worth every inch of my smile, but these were the feelings I was left with at the end.

To sum up my last day as a senior in high school, that day being Friday the 13th, did bring a lot of bad luck, but I was not striped completely from my last day of high school fun. However the day did begin with me being an hour late to our champagne breakfast, but hey gotta end the year as I started it right. From there on the day just went up and down like a roller coaster. I managed to crack the whole backside of my iPhone, and that was when I went to give it to my brother, to prevent me from dropping it when we ran out on the podium, good job there. To top that of, I ended up in a minor car accident, no one got hurt, just a small collision. IMG_9670

The best part of this day, without a doubt, was riding around the city in the platform body of the truck, or whatever it’s called. Even though it only lasted for half an hour it was by far the highlight of the day, and as I’ve heard from a lot of my other friends, they agree with me as well.

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The reception at home went on for a far bit longer than I would have wanted it to, however it was nice to see all my relatives there, although it did make me pretty late for the pre-party, even though it was just a drop-in thing. I arrived half an hour before they were heading downtown, but luckily some of us stayed behind and went there and hour or so later. I reckon we were there around 12 pm or somewhere around that time. I was only with my friends for about half an hour with kind of sucked, but I had a blast with some of my classmates. This would be the really short summarized version of my graduation, but here it all is in a nutshell.




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